Workshop Notes: Etiquette and Women
Suggestions: Brief, interactive talk with the Grade 7's on the differences between dating now and courtship then is a good start. The language of the fan is a good activity. Teach the girls what to do (give them a little card of instruction) and then have them use a fan and the boys have to match up the girl with the fan to the message they/he should be getting.
Equipment: wooden fans, dresses.
Illustrated language of the fan
http://www.minuetcompany.org/furtherinformation/fanlanguage.html
She's in modern clothes but it's short and accurate Youtube video
A series of very short video clips that give the messages of the fan
Notes: Courtship and marriage
-war brought many new eligible bachelors
-marriage not only personal but something society had a lot of influence and interest on
-courtship carefully monitored, expected to marry someone of his/her own background, rules of behaviour were strict and only to meet in acceptable and organized public settings (outings, assemblies and dances), especially dancing
-had to be respectable or young woman loses reputation, especially in smaller communities
-young woman's home can be important place for suitors who call or attend gathering under the watchful eyes of her parents and/or guardians, suitor would have several meetings with girl and parents and then ask for permission to court her (assess his chances and parents' approval needed)
-in Lower Canada Sunday night set out for formal courting, once per month when suitor could talk to girl under parents' supervision, long courtshipswere discouraged
-girls had to balance appearing interested but not too eager in a suitor
-if a suitor did not have enough money to suitably support a wife and/or low rank, it would be impossible to marry (such as Lieutenant John Le Couteur of British army)
-American parents were slightly more relaxed unless from Puritan stock, could socialize unsupervised but still very strict standards of behaviour expected and still in public surroundings
-majority married someone from his/her own community
-love was an essential ingredient in any marriage and a daughter was allowed to refuse a marriage proposal if she did not love the suitor, however most young women respected parents enough to ask their consent in getting married; some parents opposed a marriage and in some of those cases there were secret courtships or conditional engagements or even secret marriages; public opinion was generally on the side of the young couple
-some people did marry for money
-war brought officers who were often more desired than local civilian men, women quickly learned the ranks
-marriage considered sacred and legal bond for life, sex just for married people, indeed any physical intimacy; young people had little to no privacy and gossip ensured that rules obeyed or criticism and even ostracism otherwise
-marriage regarded as a duty, condemned otherwise (old maid, lonely and socially unacceptable bachelor) so most people married young
-married status gave women protection, respectability, independence from parents, stability
-emphasis was on a wife who would be an ideal helpmate
-arrangements made for wedding shortly before the ceremony, invitations issued a week before the ceremony in either church or home and any day of the week (in England certain dates and places)
-ceremony could be as simple as bride and groom in front of witnesses or could include large number of guests and bridal attendants (becoming more common at this time)
-bride to look the best possible (no expense spared)
-weddings ususally family affairs followed by reception by bride's parents with food, drink, and dancing but not overboard
-Acadian wedding receptions included unusal custom where couples could throw a blanket over their heads while resting from dancing and whisper in private
-on American frontier clothing homemade and meals from farm and wilderness, a group of women escorted bride to marriage bed and young men escort groom
-after wedding, couple went to new home and in Canadas and parts of States had custom of “charivari” or “shivaree” where usally young men wore clothes back to front, disguised themselves with masks or blackening faces and wore weird looking hats; would surround couples residence at bed time and bang tin kettles, drums, horns, cracked fiddles, etc – anything to make a terrible noise; then bang on door with clubs and demand to be let in to drink to bride's health or given money to go to tavern; no response would result in more noise like firing guns loaded with peas against the doors or windows, rattling old pots and kettles and calling out the groom was cheap/stingy; might go on for several days and could result in injuries if groom refuses demands of participants
-custom of newly married couple to appear in Church together on first Sunday after wedding
-expectations of a wife- competent in the house, attentive to matters outside the house, interested in husband's affairs/work but not offer advice or comment asked by him, add to comfort of family nad improve manners and character of her man by her example and presence, be obedient and happy around her husband
-women held more account for behaviour by spouse than other way around, she was to turn a blind eye to his misbehaviour though sometimes public humilation would work to curb his misdeeds
-divorce extremely rare due to social stigma and financial costs, expected to tough it out
-were romantic relationships without marriage but had to be discrete or lots of stigma and social embarassment, could result in court martial if the affair interfered with duty (Captain Leonard the 2nd in command of navy at Sackett's Harbour spent nights with his mistress in town rather than on his ship and nearly lost it to ice, he was court martialled and never commanded a ship again
-many women who were mistresses and then set aside commited suicide
Equipment: wooden fans, dresses.
Illustrated language of the fan
http://www.minuetcompany.org/furtherinformation/fanlanguage.html
She's in modern clothes but it's short and accurate Youtube video
A series of very short video clips that give the messages of the fan
Notes: Courtship and marriage
-war brought many new eligible bachelors
-marriage not only personal but something society had a lot of influence and interest on
-courtship carefully monitored, expected to marry someone of his/her own background, rules of behaviour were strict and only to meet in acceptable and organized public settings (outings, assemblies and dances), especially dancing
-had to be respectable or young woman loses reputation, especially in smaller communities
-young woman's home can be important place for suitors who call or attend gathering under the watchful eyes of her parents and/or guardians, suitor would have several meetings with girl and parents and then ask for permission to court her (assess his chances and parents' approval needed)
-in Lower Canada Sunday night set out for formal courting, once per month when suitor could talk to girl under parents' supervision, long courtshipswere discouraged
-girls had to balance appearing interested but not too eager in a suitor
-if a suitor did not have enough money to suitably support a wife and/or low rank, it would be impossible to marry (such as Lieutenant John Le Couteur of British army)
-American parents were slightly more relaxed unless from Puritan stock, could socialize unsupervised but still very strict standards of behaviour expected and still in public surroundings
-majority married someone from his/her own community
-love was an essential ingredient in any marriage and a daughter was allowed to refuse a marriage proposal if she did not love the suitor, however most young women respected parents enough to ask their consent in getting married; some parents opposed a marriage and in some of those cases there were secret courtships or conditional engagements or even secret marriages; public opinion was generally on the side of the young couple
-some people did marry for money
-war brought officers who were often more desired than local civilian men, women quickly learned the ranks
-marriage considered sacred and legal bond for life, sex just for married people, indeed any physical intimacy; young people had little to no privacy and gossip ensured that rules obeyed or criticism and even ostracism otherwise
-marriage regarded as a duty, condemned otherwise (old maid, lonely and socially unacceptable bachelor) so most people married young
-married status gave women protection, respectability, independence from parents, stability
-emphasis was on a wife who would be an ideal helpmate
-arrangements made for wedding shortly before the ceremony, invitations issued a week before the ceremony in either church or home and any day of the week (in England certain dates and places)
-ceremony could be as simple as bride and groom in front of witnesses or could include large number of guests and bridal attendants (becoming more common at this time)
-bride to look the best possible (no expense spared)
-weddings ususally family affairs followed by reception by bride's parents with food, drink, and dancing but not overboard
-Acadian wedding receptions included unusal custom where couples could throw a blanket over their heads while resting from dancing and whisper in private
-on American frontier clothing homemade and meals from farm and wilderness, a group of women escorted bride to marriage bed and young men escort groom
-after wedding, couple went to new home and in Canadas and parts of States had custom of “charivari” or “shivaree” where usally young men wore clothes back to front, disguised themselves with masks or blackening faces and wore weird looking hats; would surround couples residence at bed time and bang tin kettles, drums, horns, cracked fiddles, etc – anything to make a terrible noise; then bang on door with clubs and demand to be let in to drink to bride's health or given money to go to tavern; no response would result in more noise like firing guns loaded with peas against the doors or windows, rattling old pots and kettles and calling out the groom was cheap/stingy; might go on for several days and could result in injuries if groom refuses demands of participants
-custom of newly married couple to appear in Church together on first Sunday after wedding
-expectations of a wife- competent in the house, attentive to matters outside the house, interested in husband's affairs/work but not offer advice or comment asked by him, add to comfort of family nad improve manners and character of her man by her example and presence, be obedient and happy around her husband
-women held more account for behaviour by spouse than other way around, she was to turn a blind eye to his misbehaviour though sometimes public humilation would work to curb his misdeeds
-divorce extremely rare due to social stigma and financial costs, expected to tough it out
-were romantic relationships without marriage but had to be discrete or lots of stigma and social embarassment, could result in court martial if the affair interfered with duty (Captain Leonard the 2nd in command of navy at Sackett's Harbour spent nights with his mistress in town rather than on his ship and nearly lost it to ice, he was court martialled and never commanded a ship again
-many women who were mistresses and then set aside commited suicide